We are still waiting on a child. The wait is stressful and seemingly never ending. I see progress because I've been employed over a year like the adoption agency wants, and we now wait on a social worker to pick up our file again. We're lucky we don't have to wait another year I suppose. It's hard to wait, sitting by while our friends move on with their lives, having babies of their own, buying houses and getting married. It's like we're stuck in life and it's only at the whims of social workers that our lives continue. And they know not of the power they hold over us. For them, it's just business as usual.
Everything lately is a waiting game. We need to wait to save up enough to start looking at houses, wait for better wages at work, wait for updates on various things. I feel like I've spent the last six years just waiting to live.
In the meantime, babies are a regular topic of conversation, when we do talk. We've had so much time to talk about what we want for our lives, decisions made have changed several times, sometimes for no reason. A name is a good example. We've decided on names for babies for when we finally do adopt, but we've been waiting so long that some of our friends have had babies and used the name. Now we are stuck with either using the name we love, knowing our friends child has the same name, or change it to something else, knowing we would give up the name we loved. Personally, I'm horrible for coming up with names. I play a lot of MMORPG's and Role play enough that thinking of names for characters and whatnot should be second nature, but thinking of a good name for another Human being and having them actually live with that name is a different matter entirely. And it has to be a name both of us like, can't be a name anyone either of us knows already has, can't be a name that reminds us of something we don't like, has to sound pleasing to the ear, can't be the name of a product ever produced, can't be generic like John, or Jane, and......you know how hard it is. It has to be Perfect. Couples who naturally give birth are given nine months to come up with something. Most have a few in mind when their babies are born and only by looking at their child for the first time are able to see which of the few they have would fit the best and they finalize their choice. It's not so easy when you adopt. You have no idea what your child would look like, you have years to think (and way over-think) of a name, and you have to consider that the birth mother would probably want some input in naming the child. There are so many more factors involved and so much time that I find it daunting to think of a list of names right now. Mostly for the simple fact that I could come up with a list right now, and not be matched for three years, look back at my list and wonder what I've been smoking so long ago. I'm not going to say any names I've thought of or ones my wife has disapproved, since there are no bad names and there's nothing wrong with the one you have, but the choice comes to would it be a good choice for a baby nowadays? Would it suit the child. Does the baby look like a _______? This is the struggle we have while waiting.
Not just names, but other things plague our thoughts while in adoption limbo. How to decorate the babies room? What kind of car seat? What kind of high chair? Then the more dominant questions like What age are we looking for? How long are we willing to wait? We want a child as young as possible so we don't miss anything in their lives. We think this is important because we are first time parents, but would increasing our age range mean being placed sooner? Are we willing to wait longer for a younger child? We have told them we would like a child under a year old, but we seem to be a little uncertain as time goes on.
I suppose we just wait for the home study for now. One step at a time.
