It's a touchy subject in our home, one we never wish to discuss because it is the source of our depression. A taboo topic, yet one that must be spoken of in order to change anything. We did so recently, now we require the motivation to follow through.
We are both frustrated with the way things are going. Both stuck in a job we're trying to climb out of. Both pining over our future lives once the adoption process concludes. Both feeling empty and dissapointed with our current selves. I'm tired of just sitting here and saying that we will change. I'm tired of not being comfortable with myself. I'm tired of being tired.
So we started last night. We will start eating right, exercising every night, cut back on eating out, and stop eating junk food. My fear is that it won't last, but my strategy this time is to constantly remind myself of my own goal, Our Goal.
Our goal isn't just to loose weight to get pregnant. It's one of the goals, true, but right now I feel we were meant for something more. I think adoption is what we were meant to do, which is why circumstances has prevented us from conceiving naturally. So as it is a part of our Goal, a major part, it's not the only thing I'm looking for. I just want to be more comfortable with my body, have more energy and be healthier for the child we want to bring into our lives. I want to loose weight to be a better Father.
I'm scared to death of being a parent, but also excited. I'm only worried that I won't know what to do, or have a hard time adjusting to life with a child. I know that it takes time to be a parent and no one is instantly a good one. Adoption is also good because it gives us time to prepare. I have time to learn what I can, loose the weight, and I know that in the end, the wait will be worth it. It is still a little disconcerting at the amount of time we have until this process completes. It's so far away that I fear we will lose motivation in reaching our goal because of it. I keep thinking that if only I made more money, or if we won the lottery, we could afford a private adoption and have a child sooner. I'm so sick of waiting it feels like a constant weight on my shoulders. So many things add to it and causes unneeded stress. My vision of a perfect life is probably something most people would take for granted. Those you do have no idea how lucky you are. I picture coming home to a wife and kids from work, no matter if there's a white picket fence or even our own house. Spending time with our child, playing with them, teaching them new things, taking them swimming or to the park. These are the things I wish for. This is my goal. I want the home I come home to to be full of love and life.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
The cost of really living...
I remember in high school I wrote a speech for a contest or something and I thought it was kind of witty at the time. "Nothing In Life is Free" was a work I was proud of. Yet, as I went on about how even seemingly free things in the end has a cost to someone somewhere, my naivety made me blissfully unaware of the burden of adult life. A life that desperately searches for every and any freebie to lessen the tension on your precious dollars. I had no idea that paper could stretch as much as it does in the hands of my Fiancée.
I curse the time that I open the mailbox and get showered with coupons and super saver booklets. I'm the kind of person who would pay whatever the cashier asked after ringing in my things. I find it kind of pointless to clip coupons and spend the extra time at the checkout to only save a dollar or two. But with the price of gas going up so high, one has to really save where they can. One episode of Extreme Couponing can really open your eyes to how effective a bit of junk mail can be.Granted this isn't the United States so coupons do not work the same up here, yet its still effective to use them.
My heart sank when I heard the price of gas in Toronto was near a buck forty. What is the reason for this? All I heard that the issues in Libya are affecting the gas prices, but this country only supplies like 2% of the world's oil supply and 90% of that is going to European countries. The global price of oil isn't rising either from what I can see so the price hike is coming from the refining process or perhaps the government. I really hope these gas shenanigans are over soon. I have a long drive ahead of me in the near future.
This July, my Fiancée and I are getting married, but we're having it close to family in Newfoundland, so it's a long drive. Not sure how the price of gas is going to affect our finances during the drive and we're starting to stress out about money. July will be here before we want it to and be completely ready for this. I'm looking forward to it, don't get me wrong, but I'm dreading the drive. I've never driven that far for that long before. Plus, we're planning the trip with my sister and our two cats in the car as well. I'm not sure how this will work out in the end, but it will either end in disaster and pain, or a side splitting laugh. I'm hoping for the latter.
In the meantime, we are pretty much forced to sit at home and do nothing, as everything costs money to do. Like I wrote before, nothing in life is free. With all this nice weather outside, one would think they should take advantage of it. I plan on going for walks and stuff, maybe loosing some weight, but we'll see how that goes. If work wasn't so far away I'd walk there too. I mean honestly, who puts an office building out in the middle of a corn field?
I curse the time that I open the mailbox and get showered with coupons and super saver booklets. I'm the kind of person who would pay whatever the cashier asked after ringing in my things. I find it kind of pointless to clip coupons and spend the extra time at the checkout to only save a dollar or two. But with the price of gas going up so high, one has to really save where they can. One episode of Extreme Couponing can really open your eyes to how effective a bit of junk mail can be.Granted this isn't the United States so coupons do not work the same up here, yet its still effective to use them.
My heart sank when I heard the price of gas in Toronto was near a buck forty. What is the reason for this? All I heard that the issues in Libya are affecting the gas prices, but this country only supplies like 2% of the world's oil supply and 90% of that is going to European countries. The global price of oil isn't rising either from what I can see so the price hike is coming from the refining process or perhaps the government. I really hope these gas shenanigans are over soon. I have a long drive ahead of me in the near future.
This July, my Fiancée and I are getting married, but we're having it close to family in Newfoundland, so it's a long drive. Not sure how the price of gas is going to affect our finances during the drive and we're starting to stress out about money. July will be here before we want it to and be completely ready for this. I'm looking forward to it, don't get me wrong, but I'm dreading the drive. I've never driven that far for that long before. Plus, we're planning the trip with my sister and our two cats in the car as well. I'm not sure how this will work out in the end, but it will either end in disaster and pain, or a side splitting laugh. I'm hoping for the latter.
In the meantime, we are pretty much forced to sit at home and do nothing, as everything costs money to do. Like I wrote before, nothing in life is free. With all this nice weather outside, one would think they should take advantage of it. I plan on going for walks and stuff, maybe loosing some weight, but we'll see how that goes. If work wasn't so far away I'd walk there too. I mean honestly, who puts an office building out in the middle of a corn field?
